tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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