My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Randomize
