I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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