Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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