Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
