the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
