I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
cat food counts as protein by the way
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
I think i got beer on your cat.
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