Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
