Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
