I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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