Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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