He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize