Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
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Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
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I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
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