What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
