did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
