i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
