Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I want her autograph on my taint
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Why can't burritos get me drunk
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
