My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
