Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Just invented taco cereal.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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