TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
it's like iHOP with fire
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
