The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
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