mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Randomize
