Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
