Is it normal to miss your booty call?
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
