it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
