why didn't you poke me back
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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