lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
