You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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