after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
