I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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