that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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