In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
