Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Randomize
