i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
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