What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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