I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
