just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
