I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Randomize
