he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I wish you could order shots online.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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