You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
vagina is talking i cant
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
