This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
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