he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
