hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
