Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
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