this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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