You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
