I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
try to milk me bitch
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