I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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