I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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