why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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