Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
