I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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