Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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