I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
