she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
