I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
