yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
