oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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