I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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