I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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