it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
