Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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