Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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