Pants 0. Shit 1.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I smell like Dick and happiness
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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