JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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