I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
That accounts for only three of the penises
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Randomize
