She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
