did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
