margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
honey bunches of taint.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
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